A delicious burst of flavours in your mouth, the perfect antidote for hunger, a source of nutrition and contentment, what’s not to like about food?
Well turns out there’s a whole lot to dislike about it.
Have you ever been burdened with the preparation of food?
It’s great if you like cooking and would have volunteered anyway, but honestly, what if you’re an amazing cook but you have no inclination to feed an entire group of entitled people for free?
“I’ve heard she makes incredible chocolate cake.” leaks someone into a crowd of people who know you.
“You’ll make some for us right?”
“For Nina’s birthday tomorrow! What a lovely surprise it would be.”
“And for Sam’s retirement party next week.”
“Oh please could you bake one for my daughter’s camp next month?”
How do you worm your way out of pressure like that?
Saying no is hard, especially when you have to say no to people you work with or socialise with.
Here are some ways you can draw boundaries without being the bad guy.
1. Be Honest and Direct
Transparency is key when setting boundaries. Politely explain that while you love cooking, you can’t always accommodate every request. A simple statement like,
“I really appreciate you thinking of me, but I have a lot on my plate right now,” can help in setting a clear boundary without offending anyone.
You can also give a reason, for example, “Cooking for events is something I enjoy, but I’ve decided to take a break from it to focus on some personal projects.”
Acknowledge the request and show your appreciation at being considered. “I’m flattered that you think of me for your event, but I’ve realized I need to set aside more time for myself and my family.”
2. Offer Alternatives
If you don’t want to leave them hanging, suggest alternatives. Recommend a local caterer or suggest a few easy recipes they can try themselves. This shows that you’re still supportive and helpful, even if you can’t personally take on the task. For instance, “I’m sorry, I can’t cook for your event this time, but I’ve heard great things about [Local Caterer] and I think they’d do an amazing job.”
Offer sympathy and provide other kinds of assistance. For example, “I’m sorry, I can’t cook for your event, but I have some fantastic recipes that are easy to follow. I’d be happy to share them with you or show you how to prepare them this weekend.”
Or help them with some other aspect that is less taxing on you. Such as, “I can’t take on the cooking for your event, but I can help you plan the menu and suggest some easy-to-make dishes that you can prepare yourself.”
3. Set Limits
Establishing limits can help manage expectations. You can decide on a specific number of events you’ll cook for in a given period and communicate this to your circle. For example, “I’d love to help out, but I can only commit to cooking for one event per month.”
4. Practice Self-Care
Remind yourself that it’s okay to prioritize your well-being. Saying no doesn’t make you selfish or mean; it’s a necessary part of self-care. Take time to recharge and engage in other activities you enjoy. So that when you do say yes, you’ll be able to give your best. Remember No is a complete sentence, and if it is too difficult for you it is always okay to refuse and cater to your personal needs first.
5. Use the “Sandwich” Method
The “sandwich” method involves placing your “no” between two positive statements. Start with a compliment, deliver your refusal, and end with a positive note. For example, “I’m so flattered that you want me to cook for your party. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to do it this time. But I’m sure your event will be fantastic, and I’d love to help in another way if I can.”
6. Blame External Factors
If you’re uncomfortable saying no directly, you can blame external factors. Mention other commitments or time constraints. This approach can make your refusal seem less personal. For instance, “I wish I could help, but work has been really demanding lately and I need to focus on that.”
7. Suggest a Compromise
If you’re open to helping but don’t want to take on the full responsibility, suggest a compromise. Maybe you can prepare a dish or two instead of the entire menu. “I can’t cater the whole event, but I’d be happy to make a signature dish for you.”
8. Enlist Help
If you feel obligated to say yes but are concerned about the workload, consider enlisting help. You could suggest a potluck where everyone brings a dish, reducing the burden on you. “How about we make it a potluck? I’ll bring my famous lasagna, and everyone else can contribute their favorite dishes.”
9. Redirect Their Appreciation
Acknowledge their appreciation of your cooking skills and redirect it. “Thank you so much for thinking of me. I’m glad you enjoy my cooking. Unfortunately, I can’t take on this project, but it means a lot to me that you asked.”
10. Stand Firm
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, people might still push for a yes. Stand firm in your decision. Consistently saying no when you need to will eventually make others respect your boundaries. “I really can’t this time, but thank you for understanding.”
Saying No and setting boundaries is essential for maintaining a your own well being. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your needs and time. Those who truly value you will understand and respect your boundaries.
Thank you for reading!
Lot’s of love,
Ninji
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