Forgive Yourself

I have made mistakes in the past, but the gravest of them all was not learning to forgive myself. I could not eat, sleep or go a single day without my heart aching in wonder of what could have been. Regret is a terrible emotion that grows inside like a parasite. It took a lot of self belief and faith to overcome this feeling. I turned to meditation and writing to calm my thoughts and over the course of a year I was able to let go of the emotions bagging me down. The following realizations helped me to move on:

My life is a mess. Does anyone truly have everything figured out? Life is supposed to be an adventure, isn’t it? Just think of this situation as another one you will survive.

I am nothing but a failure. Do you know how much that is? A single failure is an entire  universe within itself. It consists of you striving your hardest and coming close to your goal. It teaches you about what is important to you, forces you to regroup, rethink, grow in a way you never would have if you succeeded.

I worry some of my decisions have been mistakes, that I have been ensnared by what I thought was an opportunity. While I struggled to break free, life seemed to have passed me by. My friends and colleagues were no longer in the same stage of life as me and I felt left behind.

It hurt my soul to feel this way. But it was also one of the little miracles of life that saved me then. I turned towards writing to channelize my pain, and I wrote and wrote till my fingers ached. Thus far I had never taken writing seriously, it was always an occasional preoccupation and nothing more. For once, I let my pain take over and bled into my writing. It amazes me how easily words flowed out, emptying me of persisting emotions of self doubt. My failure helped me find my passion.

More than anything, a failure tells me that I tried. That I cared enough to risk  heartbreak for something I love. And that is important. To be able to go out of your comfort zone and try something challenging is commendable and you did it. Irrespective of the outcome, you must realize the depth of your strength and how brave you are.

I made mistakes. I am proud of them. Like battle scars they line my soul and I know every success will be sweeter because of it. Life isn’t fair, the world is sometimes cruel, but you don’t have to be unfair or hurtful to yourself. Be kind, forgive yourself and learn to move on.

Do things that you love and know that you are Not Alone.

Thank you for reading 🙂