Bad Decisions?

I have made many mistakes in my life.

Some days, I think of them as lessons, but other days, they weigh down upon me like a piston.

When nothing is going right, I sit down and think of them all- every bad decision, every choice proved wrong. Should have dealt with that differently, should have called, should have answered, should have, could have, would have…

But life doesn’t come with a manual or a time machine, and the only tools you have is your body and mind.

When regret weighs down on me too much, I tend to imagine a world where I had chosen differently. Where I have seized every opportunity, spoken my heart out, where I have overcome my fear sooner, where I was braver, smarter, better-looking and successful.

I try not to envy the life I could have had.

It hurts, every time reality bursts through this dreamy bubble — unpaid bills, my boss reprimanding me, friends who do not understand, goals that I may never achieve. My heart feels heavy and guilt of inaction cuts like a knife.

But life is bigger than all these failings, isn’t it?

There have been times in this very lifetime where I have paid the bills on time, got appreciated at work and achieved a small goal. Then why do I magnify these failings…why do I torture the very soul that resides within me?

Perhaps, regret is a human emotion. I wonder, do cheetahs in the wild, feel the same way when a prey outruns them? Do they think, they should have run faster, should have chosen another herd, should have, could have, would have…

Even if they do, they never seem to give up. They keep trying…trying…trying …until they get what they want. And once they do, each failed attempt is immediately forgotten.

So, yes. Yes, I have failed in many ways, I have made bad decisions. But this life has not paused and I have not given up.

Some trees burst into bloom long after all the others have, and some never do. And yet, they are all beautiful on their own.

We are all trees planted on this earth. We each have different resources, different dreams and yet, despite it all, we are still enough on our own. Each little scar on the thickening bark of an aging tree; like armour on our skin, hardships protect the tenderness beneath. After all, the thicker the bark, the harder it is to cut it down.

So take the cards you have with you and try once more. It’s hard, I know and disappointment is easy to come by, but you’ve been on this road before. Pain is not new to you. And that is why, you must keep going.

If only to inspire the next tender soul behind you who wants to give up, you have to rise and give them hope. A tree gives shade to thousands, just like you inspire others, by simply carrying on.